Cycle of Abuse

Cycle of Violence has 5 Constants:

1. The cycle has intent!! to re-establish his authority over the partner.
2. The cycle will not stop until he stops it & he can if he wants to.
3. The cycle increases in frequency, intensity and volume.
4. The cycle gets so fast that the hearts and flowers phase disappears.
5. The cycle ends in suicide, homicide or both.

1. Tension building this can be months, days, hours. you will never know.

• Women that live with abuse just know the mood of the house has changed
• Name calling starts
• Nothing is right, I can't cook right, clean right, not even park the car in the right place.
• I feel very disappointed that here we go again
• He is mad about everything, and mad at everybody especially me
• Threatens me, or the kids or the pets, breaks thing,tries to start fights
• Thingifying makes me into a thing so he can yells ugly mean names and screams,he thinks in that sick mind, that those ugly words do not hurt me cause I am a thing
• Mean laughing, snickering, ugly looks with lips curling up so mean like, like they say if look could kill I would have been dead so long ago
• Undermining my parenting, he is the nice guy all of sudden, the friend
• Cheap shotssnears,
• You will have to do the egg shell walk at this time
• He is stomping his feet
• He is right in your face
• Kids are quiet
• I wonder what did I do now to provoke this episode
• Everything in our life is "all about HIM"
• Sometimes it is just better to set him off by pushing the right buttons and get the violence over with, as sick as that sounds, it just is better, cause you know it is coming anyway
• Feelings in the house is scared, nervous, terrified, Me and the Children know the blow up is coming

Are these men in control since they only FLIP out in there home with there FAMILY, you bet they are in control or they would use this behavior at work, in public, with there friends. Which I have seen, then all the friends are mad at him, then the bad thing is I am stuck with him to much.

Have you ever heard BOOZE is why I flip out and hurt you and scream at you, that is also a lie, HE CHOSES TO FLIP OUT. Booze does not cause abuse, his behavior is just not at all normal.

He uses this ugly, contolling behavior when he thinks his needs are no longer being met, he needs you to be good, and do what his says you should do. I have even heard before "Sorry but you should listen to me, and I wouldn't have to do that. Now isn't that the sickest thing you have ever heard.

2. Explosion

• Thingifying - making a thing out of her, easy to call a thing ugly dirty names like fat, lazy b**ch, the c word and on and on it goes
• Emotional and Verbal abuse
• Bringing up old past things for the hundredth time, go on and on
• Physical, pushing, punching, bitting my nose, pulling hair out
• Sexually have to make up now, I hate you now and for every

After that blow up, we are sick about it and questions our relationship with this crazy man, that why in the world am I here with this person that says in one breath that he loves me so much, but turns around and says awful mean, hurtfull words. The only sense it makes to me is his need for Power and Contol over my life. I am his SLAVE, that is bought and paid for in his eyes.

• Very SAD, but TRUE.

Then comes the

3. Honeymoon, Hearts & Flowers

Better known as the "HOOK" this part of the cycle hooks you back in to the relationship. There is false promises, you will have BIG HOPES, that yes he will never do that to me again,

• Believe me I have lived with this for 27 years, and IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN & AGAIN. You will cry so many tears, and become so sad, you will lose you.
• He knows what he needs to do to keep you there-the HOOK.
• He will quit drinking
• There may be TEARS, BEGGING, I will do that again
• His appearance will improve
• He will help around the house
• Wants sex, cause sex heals all
• Says he wants to change
• Poor me - never forget it is all about him

How do I, You feel in the Honeymoon stage??

• Want to believe that he is going to quit this behavior
• Obligated to stay ---Guilt
• Feel tricked when it happens again and it will
• Very Confused and have a broken heart one more time
• Guilt with the kids
• There is the HOOK (promises), lies.

IT is his CYCLE, Not your cycle, NOT your FAULT

3% of men can change if they want to.